I want a pair of cottony athletic pants with SLUT written across the ass.

If anyone finds/makes them for me, I will give you dolla dolla billzzzzzz.

posted at 8:14 PM by Alison

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I had a really happy dream the other night.

I was looking around Champaign for a new place to live, and I discovered that there was a house with an empty room just across the street from my current dorm. I went to check it out, and when I walked in the front door I was greeted by a dog and a sloth, both very friendly. The sloth tried to jump up on me affectionately, like dogs do, but it had those big long talons that sloths have, so I kind of grabbed its forearms and kept it at arm's distance.

As I was given a tour of the house, I saw that it was kind of a dump. But I could tell that people were cleaning up and preparing to renovate, and they invited me to help them when I moved in (I enjoy decorating and like activities). The house was a huge old Victorian with hardwood floors and beautiful architectural elements. They showed me the vacant room that I could stay in. It was enormous, with an entire 20' wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. The whole house was enormous. There were five floors, and all the rooms were as big as mine. There were about fifteen people living there, and as I walked through I could see them laughing and covorting and cooking vegan food in the kitchen. I wanted to live there so badly.

But then I woke up to my own room, with my zero floor space and my tv addicted roommate and my general discontentment.

I will get out of here ASAP.

posted at 4:38 PM by Alison

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First off, I like the Daily Illini.

I read it almost everyday, mostly because it's being handed out on every street corner and I can't avoid it, but partly because it's actually kinda good.

But on Friday they ran an editorial that I wasn't crazy about.

Since I'm computer retarded and don't really know how to post links, just copy and paste:

http://www.dailyillini.com/media/paper736/news/2005/10/28/Opinions/Column.Broken.Promise-1037813.shtml

Okay. Like any large, government-associated organization, they've got their pitfalls. Maybe a lot of them. But this dude said a few things that just plain don't make sense.

E.G.

"If the United States invaded another Arab country (meaning Sudan), anti-war protesters would take time out from whining about the "international Zionist conspiracy" to rail against the Christian crusade against the Arab world."

WTF? International Zionist Conspiracy? Now I hang out with a lot of pretty hardcore liberals - way harder core than myself, as I am sort of undecided about whether I'm pro- or anti-War In Iraq - and I have never once heard anybody use the phrase "international zionist conspiracy." Is he trying to imply that liberals are anti-semetic? Because that's just retarded. However, one of the many things that I often hear anti-war people say is, "If we are so interested in freeing other countries from tyrannical rule, why don't we do something about the situation in Sudan?" Now, by "do something," they probably don't mean invade, but I would just take a wild guess and say that, in general, liberals are hardly against taking action against the genocide in Sudan. Pretty much the opposite.

"Many attack conservative criticism of the United Nations calling it ridiculous, because the United States created the United Nations. This is not true when you take a look at the facts. The head of the San Francisco Conference and drafter of the U.N. Charter was Alger Hiss of the U.S. State Department. Alger Hiss, some will remember, was found guilty in law of perjury, but in fact of being a communist spy and traitor on behalf of the Soviet Union. This shows that Richard Nixon, and for that matter, Joseph McCarthy, were right in their anti-communist concerns."

What?!?!?! Of course there were spies from communist countries. This is a fact. But McCarthy, in particular, wasn't just trying to protect the country from foreign spies. He was trying to erradicate non-mainstream ideologies.

"During the investigation of Alger Hiss, he said that if he was a communist spy many of the advances made by his help (the New Deal, the United Nations, etc.) would have to be reexamined. Unfortunately, this reexamination never happened. Maybe the reason the United Nations is indifferent, if not implicated in the face of so many genocides, is because it was formed under the influence of an agent of a genocidal power who killed about 25 million people."

That's just terrible logic. There is a lot of evidence to say that the UN is fairly incompetent, which the columnist mentioned earlier in the article. That's true. But to say that they are murderers because sixty years ago someone of questionable morals had a hand in the organization is ridiculous.

On a lighter note.

I lost a nut from the front wheel of my bicycle. It's been gone for about a week, and I've been late for a few classes because my poor bike is an invalid. So today I went searching all over Champaign for a 5/16" hex nut. I found three different types, but ALL of them had threads that were too large for the bolt.

So if anybody finds a 5/16" hex nut with very small threads, could you mail it to me or something? My bike is getting lonely and bored with no one riding it.

posted at 8:26 PM by Alison

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I went to a Spoon concert tonight!!!!

Go to my Buzznet to see pictures.

posted at 11:27 PM by Alison

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Last night I walked out of the music building with a sore throat and after listening to some brass quintets and the air smelled just like the apple sheesha at my favorite "coffee house." It reminded me of last winter, sitting at a table with the StarvedArtist just eating hummus and not smoking because I wasn't eighteen yet.

Yesterday in one of my classes, a girl that I think is fun and cool sat down in front of me, and she's kind of fat and she was wearing these big flesh-colored granny panties that stuck out like a mile above her pants and I kind of chuckled to myself because she's funny and can get away with that sort of thing. But this chick next to me made this awful face and was like, "Oh my Gaaaaaawwwwwwd, do you see that?" And I wanted to tell her that it's not a crime to be ugly, but instead I just looked at her blankly.

posted at 10:38 AM by Alison

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First off, let me say that as a rule I try to avoid going to Espresso Royale. Espresso Royale is a chain of coffee houses that (I think? maybe?) only exists in Champaign-Urbana, but down here in Chambana (as the hipsters like to call it), there is an Espresso Royale on every damn corner. They serve mediocre food at ridiculously high prices; the service is awful; and they are always out of whatever you ask for.

But this morning, when I got up at 7:00 for an MI rehearsal, it occurred to me that this was the first Sunday morning where I had needed to eat breakfast here in Chambana. I peek at the University Dining schedule.

They don't open until 11:30.

So I go down to the local convenience store to get some cereal.

It's not open yet.

So I'm forced to go into that AWFUL Espresso Royale.

I get some fruit and a turnover, and as about the only decent things they serve are their hot beverages, I get a LARGE yerba mate latte with SOY MILK.

SOY MILK

SOY MILK

SOY MILK.

So the freaking college kid behind the counter hands me my tea. And I taste it. And it's very much lacking in that distinct, soy-ish taste. You know, that nutty, grainy soy milk taste.

So I say, "This is soy milk, right?"

"Right."

So I trust him, because maybe my sense of taste was obscured by the temperature of the tea or something.

So I chug the whole LARGE yerba mate latte, supposedly with soy milk.

And now I feel like someone is taking a weed whacker to my innards.

posted at 5:48 PM by Alison

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When Thanksgiving comes, I will be really thankful.

I like fall weather, but fall weather is only fun when you can bundle up and snuggle and drink soy hot cholocate.

It's no fun when you're wearing a surprisingly thin woolen uniform that reveals your neck, when you're hungry and tired, when you've played Oskee-Wow-Wow about a thousand times and you're rewarded with a final score of Illini-10, Penn State-63.

It's no fun when you're riding your bike down Armory in your marching band uniform, and everybody's staring at you, and you're debating whether or not you should go to the homecoming party at the trombone house, and you come to the conclusion that you shouldn't because you either don't know or don't like 99.9% of the people who will be there.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving.

I will have a whole week of sleeping in my own bed.

Of hanging out with my mom.

Of having someone to talk to.

Of sleeping in and then cooking myself a real breakfast.

Of snuggling with Ethan.

I used to think of Thanksgiving as kind of a pointless holiday. It was never fun or interesting. It was just sitting awkardly with distant family members I barely know and watching them eat a dead animal.

But I've gained a new appreciation for it.

posted at 1:03 AM by Alison

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All this rap music is giving me an ulcer.

I walked into my room just now, and my rommate was out, but the tv was still on. BET rap videos.

Whatever. OK. I can turn it off.

So I turn the tv off and turn the computer on, with the intention of listening to Bicyclemark's podcast while folding laundry.

But then my roommate comes in.

"Please don't turn on the tv. Please don't turn on the tv. Please don't turn on the tv."

She turned on the tv.

And I almost had an aneurism.

This consant noise is seriously leaving me shell shocked. I jump a little every time the tv goes on. It's a real source of stress for me.

But now she's gone. She was in here for about three minutes or so. She just came in to grab something. But she felt she had to have the tv on, even though she only came in to grab something.

Does this seem like a serious problem to anyone else?

posted at 3:23 PM by Alison

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I used to get really hornery when people talked about religion in front of me.

I used to get even hornerier when people tried to convert me.

But I've kind of rethought things.

If I were a Christian, then I would believe in God. I would believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and that by accepting Him as my personal Lord and Savior, my soul would be washed clean, and I would float up to Heaven like a bubble in a 7Up bottle.

I would also believe that not to believe in Jesus Christ, to go against his teachings and deny the fact that He is our God and Savior, is a sin punishable by an eternity in Hell.

That is not to say I would be angry at nonbelievers. They're not hurting anybody but themselves.

But they're hurting themselves. And if I knew that the only way I could save them from an eternity of misery and suffering was to get them to accept Jesus Christ as the Messiah, then, by God, I would do everything I could to convert them.

But only two or three times in my life has anyone tried to get me to believe in Christ, and those people didn't even really know me. They were speaking generally, to crowds.

I know a lot of Christians. Don't any of them care about my immortal soul?

Of course they do. But for 99% of people, no religious faith, no matter how strong, could make them do something that is socially unacceptable.

Humans are almost completely ruled by society and culture. Hardly anyone is willing to go against society, no matter how strongly they believe they should.

So young Christians have a dilemma. They belong to two societies with conflicting rules. Firstly, they have their Christian society. The parish of their church. Their family. This society tells them that they have to believe in God and Jesus. So they do. Because almost no one can go against society.

But they also belong to their generation. To America. To the University of Illinois. Or whatever. All of which are pretty much secular. And in all of these societies, it is considered socially unacceptable to try and change the beliefs of other people. So they don't. Because almost no one can go against society.

If there are any Christians reading, please tell me:

How do you reconcile these things?

posted at 5:20 PM by Alison

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If you're looking for a good way to help out with the crisis in Pakistani Kashmir - and pretty much anywhere else, for that matter - here's a good website:

www.wfp.org

It's the United Nation's World Food Programme. They make donating really simple, and 90% of all donations go directly to those who need it.

I donated to the School Food program, which encourages families in impoverished areas to send their children to school by giving the children a free meal every day, and in some schools families can even earn take-home rations in exchange for sending their children to school regularly. It's meant to soften the blow of losing the children as sources of additional income. I think it's fabulous.

posted at 1:01 AM by Alison

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I just had one of those realization moments.

So, for those of you who are new to the blog, I have been a vegetarian for about seven years and a vegan for six. Most people who have known me for any amount of time have had the "why" conversation with me: "Why don't you eat animal products?"

So I explain why. And people nod their heads.

And then they come back at me with questions like, "Well, what if the animal lives well and dies painlessly?" or, "What about people who for some reason have to eat meat?" or "What about people who have to be cruel to animals, as part of their religion?" or "If you were stranded on a desert island, and the only food were a cheeseburger, would you eat it?"

And I always respond to these questions with things like, "Well, of course, there are always exceptions..." and then wonder silently why the person would even bother to ask such an impractical question.

And it just occurred to me that it is because they don't really consider in real terms what I have just said to them.

I talk hypothetically about how animals usually suffer, and how people in general should not eat them for this reason. I don't get too specific because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, and I don't want my friends to feel like I am blaming them. Because I like them.

But what I am really saying, in veiled terms, is that YOU - the middle class Americans to whom I usually speak, who don't experience any of these exceptional circumstances - the animals that produced the food YOU are eating suffered, and that YOU personally don't have any reason to eat animal products.

But people don't really think about their direct involvement in what I'm talking about. They think about it in broad, hypothetical terms. But it isn't a hypothetical issue.

So to all the people who have had that conversation with me, rethink the conversation and replace every "people" I said with "you."

Does that change things?


P.S.

Today is the StarvedArtist's 18th birthday!!!! Go tell her to have a happy one.

posted at 3:18 PM by Alison

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This morning, about dawn, I snuck in to Memorial Stadium and took a bunch of pictures.

Click on the "My Pictures" below to view them.

posted at 3:17 PM by Alison

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If you are in need of public housing in the City of Chicago, you are shit out of luck. The Chicago Housing Authority is not accepting applications for housing, and won't be for a while. Eat that, poor people.

posted at 10:47 PM by Alison

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Happy World Farm Animals Day!!!

Actually, as I just discovered, World Farm Animals Day was sometime last week, but the Campus Vegetarian Society and Students Improving the Lives of Animals decided that they would celebrate it today.

So we gave away free vegan food on the quad, and we were met with a great response. It seems that every where I look down here, I find a vegetarian or two. And there were tons of "borderliners" - people who are thinking about going veggie, but haven't quite taken the leap yet - who were amazed at how good vegan food can be. It just warms the cockles of my heart.

I will start cooking again. Over Thanksgiving break, after I have moved into my new room, I will gather up all the cooking acoutrements from my home and bring them to school with me. Then I will cook up a storm. The basement of Busey/Evans will be positively smothered with the odor of my delicious vegan goodness!!!!

posted at 4:05 AM by Alison

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Is it just me, or are there an awful lot of catastrophic natural disasters lately?

The Tsunami this past December, the earthquake in Pakistan.

And although it's not really on par with the others, the Hurricane in the gulf coast was huge by American standards.

It this unusual? Or does it just seem like a lot of natural disasters in a short period of time because I'm so young, and because I can't remember other times like this?

If the former is true, then clearly the end times are near. It will be any day before the skies open up and rain fire and brimstone down on us sinners.

I suppose we deserve it. Especially we Americans. With our "free-thinking." We are definitely NOT surrenduring our souls to Christ with all this bullshit about making your own decisions.

posted at 4:37 PM by Alison

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I find gay guys strangely comforting.

I don't know why. Most people seem to find their presence disturbing. But I feel exactly the opposite.

Perhaps it's that you've got the size and strength of a regular male, but without the intimidation factor that comes with the possibility that they are/aren't attracted to you (since both, depending upon the situation, can be worrying). So when they squeeze your arm or smile at you, it's just like having a big brother.

Or a big sister with facial hair.

posted at 11:44 PM by Alison

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The other day, I was sitting at my computer, checking my e-mail, while my roommate watched Laguna Beach.

I was like, "Fuck this shit. I'm leaving."

So I went over to ISR to get a snack.

It was empty, and there was a tv there, so I think, "Finally! Maybe I can watch something decent!"

Of course, it was three o'clock in the afternoon, so nothing was on. Since I'm only a pseudo-intellectual, I only watch the news when nothing else is on. Hey, at least I watch the news.

So I turn on CNN.

Then this CHICK comes and plops her fat, tan ass down on the couch next to me and goes, "Are you watching this?"

Yes. Yes I am fucking watching this. But maybe she has good taste, I think. Maybe she'll magically find good television programming where I couldn't. I have faith in humankind!

"No," I say. "You can watch what you like."

And of course, the fat, tan chick in the Hollister hoodie turns on

EMFUCKINGTEEVEE.

And Laguna Beach is on.

My mom really likes shows like that. I don't think she watches Laguna Beach per se, but she's always really liked watching The Real World, which is essentially exactly the same as Laguna Beach. She thinks it's funny. She likes to watch those shows and chuckle to herself and say, "Oh, how ridiculous. No one could be that stupid."

But people ARE that stupid. And those people are my brethren.

It really makes me sad. I wish I could believe that everybody watched Laguna Beach in the same spirit in which my mother watches The Real World, but I don't think they do. I think they genuinely enjoy hearing girls with mild mental retardation pontificate about "relationships." I think they identify with it.

I feel so lonely.

But perhaps, as the rap video my roommate is currently watching says, I should, "Save the hatin', 'cuz you don't know."

posted at 4:50 PM by Alison

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I made my first trip to the emergency room Tuesday morning.

I woke up with cramps, and it was probably less than an hour since my period had come, which I was expecting and wasn't too worried. I took a couple of ibuprofen and went down to breakfast. Halfway through my bowl of Kix, though, they started getting a lot worse, and I started feeling really sick. So I went up to my hallway and straight into the bathroom without even going back to my room. Then they became EXCRUCIATINGLY painful, and I lay on the bathroom floor for half an hour, wretching and shaking and sweating, while girls stood outside the door of my stall doing their makeup and not seeming to notice that I was DYING. Finally, I just opened the door and asked the nearest girl to get me some water and analgesics. She did, but when she got back I was feeling like I was going to pass out, so I told her to get the RA. Anne came and asked me what I wanted to do. I didn't know. I felt ridiculous even talking to her about it. They're cramps. What more can you do about them? She asked me if I wanted her to walk me over to McKinley. I couldn't walk that far. She said we had to do something. "Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

And so she called the ambulance. And the paramedics came and ambulanced me right over to Carle. And I got my own little bed in the emergency room. For cramps.

In my defense, it could have been something more. Starved Artist has cramps like that, and she has ovarian cysts. What if I had ovarian cysts? I couldn't take the chance.

But of course, they were just cramps. They came when my cramps usually come, and they felt like cramps usually feel, just ten times more intense. It was something like I imagine childbirth must feel like. I even found myself involuntarily doing that heavy breathing lamas thing they have women do for natural childbirth, to flood their brains with oxygen and make them too high to be bothered by the pain. That's probably what made me feel like I was going to pass out. I was kind of hyperventilating, and my whole body (with the exception of my uterus, unfortunatly) felt numb. And it was really scary.

So I had my RA call an ambulance.

I missed all my classes that day, and now I have to find an alternative time to take my musicology midterm.

But better safe than sorry, I say. Because I'd hate to think that I was just being a crazy hypochondriac.

posted at 4:39 PM by Alison

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I had quit. I was done. I am an adult now with adult things to do which don't involve updating this fucking blog. But I can't go eat lunch until my computer is done installing its HP updates. So here I am.

I've been here at the U of I for about a month and a half now. To be completely honest, I am having kind of a rough time. I'm extraordinarily homesick, I miss Ethan desperately, and I really haven't made a single friend.

But in some ways, this is a good environment for me. It's very veggie-friendly; there's a vegetarian cafeteria just a quick jog away, and I've become quite active in the Campus Vegetarian Society, which has provided me with the closest thing to social contact I've had since I arrived.

I love my classes. I'm not getting sick of just doing music all the time - I'm really digging it. I thought it might make me sad to forfeit all those other humanities I loved so much, but I can get those outside of classes. I've been reading a lot - for my own enjoyment - which I could never do in high school, and I guess that has taken the place of the English classes I used to love so much.

I would say that I am enjoying the freedom, but I really don't feel like I have any more freedom now than I did my senior year in high school. I guess I do in the sense that I don't have to be called in if I'm going to miss class, but that's really a small thing. But in regards to my personal coming-and-going habits, it's pretty much the same. I have more free time, since I only have class an average of 4.5 hours per day (plus ensemble rehearsals, study time, and practice time).

I have failed to bond with my roommate. This is mostly because she watches rap videos on BET and fucking Laguna Beach twenty-four hours a day. She doesn't seem to have any thoughts or opinions, or interest in anything in particular. When I announced that I was speaking with the RD about finding a new roommate, her response was, "OK." She wasn't curious why. She didn't want to know the details. She just kept watching TV. Good fucking riddance.

I think that over the course of my four years in high school, I managed to weed out all the dull/annoying people and surround myself primarily with interesting and fun people, but now I'm floating around in a giant sea of dull and annoying people. I'm sure some of them are awesome, but it's just such an overwhelming task to locate these people. So I'm just holding off on the whole making friends thing. Maybe the stork will drop a group of cool and funny and smart people right *plop* in my lap. Maybe.

Anywho, maybe if I start updating again, I'll start getting better at it. That's my oblique way of saying that I think I'm going to start blogging again. Even if it does eat up lots of valuable time.

I'm back, bitches!

posted at 1:38 PM by Alison

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