A lot (meaning two) of the blogs I read have made really heavy/depressing/philosophical posts today. I thought I'd go ahead and make it a fad.

A few years ago, I dated this guy. He had a sort of bloggish website with a web board. It might still exist. I don't care to check. You are free to.

He had this thread about the nature of love. We had just broken up. Rather messily.

So while everyone else gushed that love was divine and sacred and magical, I explained (in retrospect, with really inappropriate venom) that I think love is nothing more than a set of biological imperatives, just like pretty much everything else in life. That didn't make anyone happy.

Well, it was probably my venom that made them the most unhappy, but I'm sure the fact that I was tearing down their ideas about something they deemed "sacred" didn't help.

And now, even though that mess is long behind me and I am now IN love, my thoughts on the subject haven't really changed much.

I still think that love can be reduced to some fairly primitive needs and desires, and I still think that there is nothing sacred or transcedent or whateverthefuck about it. Love is what our bodies and brains and hormones do to tell us "this person can do what you want. Stick with him/her."

Of course, what people want can be very complex. Ethan is smart and driven, which means he is likely to find success, which on a very primitive level is something that is desirable. He's also an extremely devoted partner, which is sensible for the same reason. He's funny and shares my opinions and values, and one of the most basic needs of any human is to seek out other people like us so we have a sense of community.

But other people have other needs. The same instinct that drew me to Ethan's intelligence and ambition may draw someone else to a partner with money. After all, one of the primary factors in why many people choose their partner is "security"; almost every girl EVER has uttered the words "I feel safe with him." Wouldn't having money make you feel safe? So then, is money a legitimate reason for loving someone? Why shouldn't it be?

And there is, of course, the matter of physical attraction. Sex is an enormous factor is who we choose as a partner - it is a very large part of romantic love. It is almost impossible to see the line where lust ends and love begins - and there often is no line. I sincerely doubt that even the most un-shallow people would be willing to commit to a long-term relationship with someone who was hideously disfigured, because your primitive instinct of "this person would not produce healthy offspring" (which, I think, exists even in homosexuals, on a subconscious level) takes over.

Love involves all kinds of primitive instincts, and, in my opinion, little else. I think that's why it's so often misidentified as being divine or otherworldly; it is so engrained in our subconscious, so visceral, and such a deep-seated part of who we are AS ANIMALS that it seems like some "divine" outside force that we have no conscious control over. Which, I guess, we don't, really.

That is not to say I don't think love is a wonderful thing. Love makes us happy because it satisfies our basic, subconscious needs like the need to feel a part of something and the need to ... well ... fuck. And there's nothing wrong with that! I say, the primitive joys are some of the best. We relish the simple pleasures of eating and masturbating. What's wrong with relishing love the same way?

P.S. I have purple hair now.



Asian people will say anything to sell you something. I went into this Korean salon and pointed to the color I wanted - a dark brown with just a hint of red - and the chick comes back with a swatch of purple hair saying, "We don't have that color, but we have this one." Isn't that kind of ... purple? "No. It will turn out brown. I will mix it with brown to make sure." She of, course, didn't, and now I have purple hair.

Sigh.

But she was really nice, aside from lying to me. And I liked looking at her Korean magazines. Maybe I'll go back later and ask if she has the color I originally wanted yet.

posted at 3:50 PM by Alison

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