Even though I can't wait to get home, I've put off packing until the very last moment. I've got to meet with my accompanist for my jury in five hours, and after my jury I've got about an hour until I leave for home.

I don't have to pack everything today. This particular trip home is only lasting until Friday. On Friday I'll come back to Urbana, take a final and go to a band rehearsal. Then I have all day Saturday to pack. Then I play at commencement all day Sunday. Then I have to be out of the dorms because officially they close at noon on Thursday but I got special permission to stay until 7 on Sunday. Then I spend the night at the apartment of someone who will be out of town that night. Then Monday I have a doctor's appointment at McKinley. Then I come home. For good. Except for when I drive down for doctor appointments. And meetings with the chancellor about the sweat-free campus thing. And maybe sometimes concerts. And baritone mini-camp.

I am both excited and apprehensive about the summer. It's not always nice when you've been waiting a really long time for something, and then it actually comes. What if it's not all that great? I've gotten my hopes up. I also don't do well without structure. I've got a couple of short-term jobs lined up for the summer, and I'm debating whether or not I should get some kind of part-time job that would last the whole summer. It might be good to keep myself busy, but I don't want to waste all my time at home working.

I told someone recently that I'm looking forward to everything being "back to normal," but I know that's not how it will be. I'm different now. My relationship with Ethan is different now. My friends all have new friends. And I feel like I've wasted an entire year of my life.

posted at 7:47 AM by Alison

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